Justifiable cheating

Daddy Oh
Tony Robinson
Sunday, November 20, 2005

The gods are just, And of our pleasant vices
Make instruments to plague us.
– Shakespeare, King Lear.

What is a vice really, except some strange rule or law that determines mankind’s sexuality? And oh, how these change over the years.

Throughout the ages the Church has foisted on us the belief that men and women must not only get married and live together for ever and ever, but that they must never have sex with anyone else for as long as they are together, and even after they part, in some cases.

Enter monogamy, as unnatural a state as a pig dancing the tango. But still, society insists that is the way to go, even though it flies in the face of the natural order of things. As a result, people make promises or recite vows of fidelity then sneak around behind each others’ backs and then accuse each other of cheating.

“But you promised to be faithful to me only.”
“But that was last year, Honey. Things do change, you know, man can’t eat bully beef every day.”

This then causes a break-up in the relationship and then both move on to other relationships where they hope that the new partner will not cheat also. This cheating thing is such a big deal in people’s lives and is the root cause of most marital destruction. The irony is that even though women will curse and carry on, they tend to be more forgiving of their men when it comes to cheating – not all, but many.

Even so, many a suffering husband has told me, “I would have been better off if she had left me when she caught me, rather than forgive me and then make my life a living hell after that.” Most men would never forgive their women for cheating, even if they too are doing it. It’s the hypocrisy and double standard of society that would be laughable if it wasn’t so deadly.

But even though I am not condoning it, agreeing with it or promoting it, I am here to tell you that sometimes this so-called cheating is justifiable. The fact is, men are constantly lusting and yearning after women, no matter who they are. It’s a God-given desire that rages in all of us. well, most of us at least.

Now, whether we act upon it is another matter, but it’s a constant battle between good and. but how can I say it’s evil when it’s a man-made law that changes as time goes on? It’s cheating if you profess to love your partner, make passionate love to your spouse, then go and do the same thing to someone else. That’s cheating.

But there are times when it’s justifiable. Hey, even for the most heinous of crimes like murder, you have extenuating circumstances, ergo, justifiable homicide. If you are provoked, harassed, chased, beaten and you retaliate and drop the person first, then it may be deemed justifiable homicide.

The French have crimes of passion. So, for example, you can go home and catch your woman naked in bed with Joe and if you do him in, it’s a crime of passion, as opposed to premeditated murder.

So if we can have justifiable circumstances to taking another person’s life, then why can’t we have justifiable cheating? If you have your woman and she locks shop on you, refuses to carry out her wifely duties, finds all sorts of excuses why she doesn’t want to, seals the vault, does not want you anymore, and you go and get it elsewhere, then that’s justifiable cheating.

Some women do just that, be like the dog in the manger who does not eat grass, but wants no other animal to come near to partake.

These same women who deprive their men are the ones who are most strident, vocal, angry, resentful, violent, when their men go and get it elsewhere.

It matters not to her that two years have passed since anything sexual happened between them, all she sees is that he cheated. So many men have told me this, and women have corroborated it, saying how they purposely deprive their men for whatever reason, but, “If him think seh him bad and go a street with any other woman, a kill him”.

On the other side of the coin are men who are so preoccupied with their work, gambling, drinking or other women, that they too deprive their women of conjugal bliss. When she gets it elsewhere, he calls her whore, slut, harlot, cheater, and may even do her serious bodily harm in the process.

I just don’t get it. I could understand if everything was all right and there was a happy home and they were making love regularly and all was bliss, then he discovered that she was playing around.

That I could understand, as he would feel betrayed. But how can he neglect his woman for many years and not expect her to satisfy her desires elsewhere? If you even stop feeding your pet or showing it love or affection, it’s going to start sleeping next door, so what about people?

Cheating is really not about sex, but rather about deception.
When a man has a woman on the side, a mistress for many years, but still maintains the façade of a marriage, then that’s cheating. The same goes for women. Sex is such an important part of relationships, yet some people treat it so lightly.

Just recently I saw this CNN poll that showed that the average couple in America had sex at least three times a week and some wanted more. Sex is so important that a marriage is not deemed legal unless it’s been consummated. Sex brings people together, and lack of it drives them apart. Many people are promiscuous because they’re simply seeking to bond with someone, that’s all, looking for love.

So with all this importance, why do people use it as a tool, a toy, leverage, to deprive or reward as they see fit? It’s not cheating if you admit to it, but it’s cheating if you’re sneaking around and carrying on like ‘thief with long bag’.

People need people who will fulfil them emotionally, spiritually and physically. That physical part is mighty important, as I do not see men visiting GO-GO clubs, picking up women or buying prostitutes to bond with them emotionally or spiritually.

That’s another thing; is it cheating if you go with a prostitute? After all, is there any emotional involvement? I know men who specialise in buying prostitutes only, married men too, who tell me that at least it’s honest sex with both parties knowing exactly what they’re getting.

Do a poll and ask men what they would prefer, a woman who bonds with them emotionally and spiritually, or a woman who will rock their world with headboard-banging, stallion-bucking, hog-sweating, banshee-screaming lovemaking. Ideally we would want all those attributes, but if we could just have only one, guess which one we’d choose? We must be honest with our inner self.

The fact is, over 70 per cent of couples cheat, even once, with both men and women bawling when it’s discovered. Some never find out, thinking that all is well in their camp, and even those may be cursing me right now for saying this, as their partner ‘would never cheat’. If you knew what I knew, you’d be surprised.

Still, I’m a realist, and if I become useless and my woman goes elsewhere, then her actions would be justified. Remember the Kenny Rogers song Ruby, in which he sings “Oh Ruby, don’t take your love to town”? There he was, in a wheelchair, can’t do anything, but doesn’t want his wife to go to town for some loving. Now, I repeat, I am not condoning it or telling you to go and cheat, but there are extenuating circumstances that may very well justify it.

Let’s just hope that your spouse will buy your argument and see it your way; and don’t tell them that I said to go do it either. More time.

Seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: The statistics regarding people who cheat are mind-boggling and it seems to be mankind’s chief pursuit. Even priests are now admitting it in great numbers, let alone people not so entrenched in the Church.

Still, it’s the world’s best kept secret, as most will never admit to it. Even when the evidence is overwhelming, so many do not find out or want to find out.

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