Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game
By Morgan Rudy/Relationship Columnist
The Daily Toreador
October 13, 2005
There is no way to know where your significant other is at all times of the day. This is where the element of trust comes in when it comes to your partner and your relationship. Cheating is something that at one point or another will come into your mind when you are in a monogamous relationship; them cheating on you or vise-versa.
Hopefully you will never cheat or be cheated on, but it happens. Infidelity, when one of the partners in a relationship is cheating, can be the death blow of a relationship. It is a sign that something is seriously wrong between partners.
Being Played
A change of behavior in your partner might be a good indicator that something is wrong and may be your first clue that your partner is cheating on you. A mate having an affair will display changes in his normal patterns of behavior. But it is better if you attempt direct observation of cheating rather than basing accusations on two or three unusual behaviors.
Additionally, suspecting your mate of having an affair may just be a result of your own issues and insecurities and less likely the result of your partner’s behavior. If you have a history of special emotional insecurities, such as a very low self-esteem, overly strong feelings of mistrust in men or women or issues with jealousy and insecurity. Before you jump to conclusions, stay objective and realize that people change over time and may naturally become less attentive and less interested about certain things.
If you do suspect that your significant other is cheating, there are a few signs that you can pick up on if you pay attention.
First of all, do they go out without you and don’t tell you where they went? If they used to tell you everything they did and then all of a sudden stop you might have reason to suspect them. It’s those unaccountable hours that leave one up to a little distrust. This might call for the need for a little prying to see if they are really cheating or if they just don’t want to talk to you anymore.
Another sign could be if they won’t answer their phone if you are around. Will they only answer certain calls and not others? When they get off the phone do they tell you who they were talking to or are they vague or get defensive at your question? If you want to get stalker-esque on them, you can look in their phone when they are not looking, but you better have a good excuse when they catch you.
One example I love is when you approach your partner about your suspicion of them cheating do they say, “Oh it’s your imagination.” This is what cheating people say when you get too close to the truth. From this point, they will probably go on to say that you are paranoid and you don’t trust them like they trust you. Wake up and smell the coffee people: you are being played.
Being the Player
Now if you are on the other side of this cheating scenario, make sure it is worth it. Is your one night of fun going to mess up something that is really special to you? And think, “Is this person that special to me that I am willing to cheat?”
As a past cheater, I can honestly say I wasn’t thinking when it happened. I wanted that person at that moment, and well, it just happened. I never got caught, I never told my ex about it, and I never will. In my situation, I thought it would hurt him so much if I told the truth that I never confessed my act of infidelity.
Now if you do decide to tell you partner, make sure you are ready for what could happen. They will probably be hurt, angry and possibly furious. There will be tears, and the relationship might end. Just be ready for anything. Who knows they could forgive you and you could both go on with your day.
Infidelity arguably is the most challenging blow any relationship can sustain. The news of an affair can shake a mate to his or her very core. The causes of infidelity are complex and varied. Affairs can occur in happy partnerships as well as in troubled ones. Although the involved person may not be getting enough from the relationship, sometimes the involved partner is not giving enough.
We all love a bit of attention. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self-esteem and strengthen social bonds.
Flirtation at this level is harmless fun. There is, however, a fine line between harmless flirting and disloyalty to your partner. If what you’re doing is fun and enjoyable but not emotionally charged, then you’re probably safe.
However, if you have strong feelings for that person, then you are in trouble. Your feelings are a clear indication of when something is important to you.
In a perfect world, there would never be infidelity, and there would be peace on earth, but alas – the world and the people in it are far from perfect. Cheating hurts whatever side of it you are on, so my advice would to steer clear of “playing” if you can.
