Information about how surveillance is conducted and what you can expect from the private investigators efforts.

Internet Infidelity Souring Real Relationships

NEW DELHI: With more and more men and women having cyber affairs, Internet infidelity seems to have arrived in India.

The faithful are trying to catch their techno-savvy unfaithful partners red-handed in cyber space by keeping pace with technology.

Anoop (all names in the article are aliases) works from home on his PC and promptly logs off around 7 pm when it’s time for his wife to get back home. Anoop insists that the women he chats with are just “friends”.

Excessive use of Internet is also becoming a reason for break-up of marriages. Adil, 48, has posted fake profiles on almost all matrimonial sites. He interacts with prospective brides trying to pass off as a 30-something groom and often exchanges phone numbers.

It’s not just the husbands and boyfriends who are cheating — the wives and girlfriends are not far behind. Anita, 29, by her own admission is addicted to the ‘30-something-room’ on a popular Indian chat site. As rebuilding trust after an episode of Internet infidelity may not be easy, plenty of websites are offering tips to deal with it.

Texas Man gets Probation after Exposing Wife’s Infidelity on TV

By Melody McDonald
McClatchy Newspapers

FORT WORTH, Texas – A Texas man who exposed his estranged wife’s alleged affair with a Fort Worth police captain on the reality TV show “Cheaters” has been sentenced to probation for violating a protective order.

Rafael Gutierrez Jr., 42, reached a plea bargain agreement on Tuesday and was sentenced to three years deferred adjudication probation for violating a protective order when he showed up at Maria Gutierrez’s work with the “Cheaters” crew on May 4, 2005.

Deferred adjudication means if Gutierrez successfully completes his probation, there will be no finding of guilt and a conviction will not appear on his record, although the arrest will remain.

Gutierrez also pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and was sentenced to 15 days in jail for assaulting his estranged wife on Feb. 22, 2005 in Grand Prairie, a Fort Worth suburb. As part of the plea bargain, a second assault that occurred two days earlier was dismissed.

The couple has since divorced.

Prosecutor JoAnn Pearce, who handled the plea with Sean Colston, declined to comment on Wednesday because criminal cases against the Cheaters crew are pending and scheduled to go to trial next month. Rafael Gutierrez’s defense attorney, Ernie Bates, was in court on Wednesday and could not be reached for comment.

According to court documents, after her husband assaulted her in February 2005, Maria Gutierrez moved out of the home, filed for divorce and got a protective order which, among other things, prohibited her husband from going to her place of work.

After she left, officials said Rafael Gutierrez hired a private investigator who filmed Maria Gutierrez and Fort Worth police Capt. Duane Paul engaged in sexual conduct in an unmarked city vehicle on three occasions.

On May 4, 2005, Rafael Gutierrez, with a “Cheaters” TV crew in tow, confronted his estranged wife about the alleged affair outside a Bally’s Fitness Center in Arlington, Texas, where she worked.

In the footage, Maria Gutierrez can be seen talking on a cell phone when she is surprised by Rafael Gutierrez and the TV crew. With her husband hovering over her and yelling at her in English and Spanish, Maria Gutierrez tried to go back into the fitness center but was blocked by the Cheaters security guards.

Maria Gutierrez, attempting to summon help on her phone, tried to re-enter Bally’s but was once again blocked by the security guard.

She later shouted “don’t hit me” after it appeared that her husband was attempting to grab her arm.

A co-worker eventually helped her get back inside.

Gutierrez was later arrested for violating the protective order. Not long after, four members of the “Cheaters” crew – who claimed they did not know the woman had a protective order against Gutierrez – also found themselves in legal trouble in connection with the incident.

A Tarrant County grand jury indicted Joey Greco, the host of “Cheaters,” and Hunter Carson, the episode’s director, on charges of assault with bodily injury, unlawful restraint and hindering apprehension. Walter Earl Woods, 36, and Thomas Daniel Gibbons, 19, security guards contracted by “Cheaters,” were indicted on charges of assault with bodily injury and unlawful restraint.

The men are scheduled to be tried together on Nov. 6.

Paul, the officer captured on the tape with Maria Gutierrez, was later demoted from captain to lieutenant.

© 2006, Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Visit the Star-Telegram on the World Wide Web at http://www.star-telegram.com.

Sex gear stolen for killer lover

By Viva Goldner, Court Reporter

October 16, 2006 12:00
Article from: The Daily Telegraph

A FEMALE probation officer – suspended without pay for having an affair with a convicted murderer – has admitted stealing kinky costumes while her paroled boyfriend distracted staff, a court has been told.
The Daily Telegraph can reveal for the first time the details of their illicit relationship that led mother-of-two Kerrie Anne Loughland, 32, to leave her family and move in with her criminal lover.

The unlikely affair is the latest debacle to rock the Parole Authority, after it waited almost two weeks to revoke child killer John Lewthwaite’s parole when he was arrested for obscene exposure.

In the latest scandal Loughland was suspended without pay while the Department of Corrective Services investigated her “alleged inappropriate relationship” with an inmate.

The Blaxland mother’s position as a probation and parole officer at Silverwater jail is now under review.

Documents tendered to court reveal Loughland was assigned to Sean McAuliffe’s case last February, four months before he was released from the Mid-North Coast Correctional Centre.

McAuliffe served 12 years jail after being found guilty of murder in 1992.

Police claim McAuliffe and Loughland were “good friends”.

On September 18, the pair went to Sydney’s Kins Cross and entered Risque Adult Shop on Darlinghurst Rd about 2pm.

Loughland grabbed a selection of novelty uniforms and latex costumes and headed to the changerooms, followed by her criminal beau.

He left the cubicle and continued to browse the store’s x-rated wares, Downing Centre Local Court was told.

Noticing some clothing had not been returned, shop assistant “Cecil” inspected McAuliffe’s bag and found one captain costume and one fireman costume, valued at $309.90 in total.

McAuliffe then fled, taking with him a “black dress and a devil’s costume” worth $199.90, the court heard.

Police arrived soon after and arrested Loughland, before later arresting McAuliffe. Both accused pleaded guilty to stealing the items and were each fined $600 at separate court hearings.

Infidelity Turns Wedding into Charity Event

VERGENNES, Vt., Sept. 11 (UPI) — A would-be bride transformed her canceled Vergennes, Vt., wedding into a charity event at the Basin Harbor Club resort on Lake Champlain.

Kyle Paxman called off the wedding in July when she discovered her fiance was having an affair with another woman. Paxman’s mother, Patricia Carbee, said the family decided to convert the ceremony into a charity event after they were unable to cancel their pre-paid reservations at the club, the Barre (Vt.) Times Argus reported Monday.

“We wanted to find a way to help her heal and help others at the same time,” Carbee said.

The Saturday event, which features an open bar, a four-course gourmet meal and lodging, will benefit the Vermont Children’s Aid Society and CARE, an organization that works to empower women in developing nations.

Paxman said “125 strong, charity-minded women” have been invited to the event.

“We’re going to have an amazing time,” Paxman predicted.

High-tech infidelity

INTERNET, CELL PHONES MAKE IT EASIER TO FIND AND MAINTAIN ILLICIT AFFAIRS

By Mark de la Viña
Mercury News
Rob Hernandez / Mercury News

Call it crazy, paranoid or cynical, but the next time you peruse the personals on Craigslist or scan profiles on MySpace, consider this: There’s a good chance you just ran into a cheater.

Just as purchasing concert tickets or checking baseball scores has become as simple as logging onto a computer, infidelity is a simple keystroke away.

Cheating is on the rise because technology eases the search to find a willing partner, according to therapists, researchers and relationship experts. The unfaithful no longer have to scour bars or cultivate workplace relationships. Cheating has increased along with the growing use of text messaging and cell phones, chat rooms and online dating sites, some exclusively targeting the polygamous.

“The Internet has greatly removed the barriers,” says Ruth Houston, founder of Infidelityadvice.com and author of “Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs” (Lifestyle Publications, 192 pp., $29.95). “If you are a married person who wants to cheat, you can now go online and maintain an affair even while your spouse is in the room. Everything has changed.”

Jill, 45, an elementary school teacher from Mountain View who asked that her last name not be used, learned of her partner’s infidelity when she came across his open e-mail account, which he had failed to log off on their home computer. She was shocked to read that he had done “everything from soliciting hookers to making dates with others” via the Internet, she says. “I saw that he does this all day at work. I even posed as someone he had been conversing with, and he e-mailed me 30 times in one day!”

When Jill revealed her identity, he downplayed his online trawling, which “ruined our romance,” she says.

No reliable figures exist on the increase in cheaters who use technology, but computer forensics expert John Lucich says the rise is undeniable. The president of Network Security Group, a firm in Union, N.J., hired for computer-related legal issues, says that 95 percent of the cases his company handles involve men and women who set up secret e-mail accounts for the purpose of cheating.

Online dating sites play a key role in connecting people searching for extracurricular activities. While mainstream services such as Match.com and Yahoo Personals ban married people from posting profiles, the dating sites can’t stop users from lying. Other companies are happy to pick up the slack.

Private Affairs (www. philanderers.com), an online dating site based in Toronto, targets users looking for what it calls EMRs, or extramarital relationships. Another service, Ashley Madison Agency (www.ashleymadison.com), boasts 1.03 million members in the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom. With its tag line “when monogamy becomes monotony,” the company, also founded in Toronto, has seen its membership double annually, says operations director and founder Darren Morgenstern.

“We’re finding that it’s just not going away,” he says. “People are looking at the plausibility of using the Internet to have an affair, and it just works for them.”

Once the connection is made, technology also helps the affair to thrive. Cell phones and PDAs give cheaters the chance to communicate privately and coordinate with their side dish.

Caryn, 37, a West Valley College student from Morgan Hill, knows this all too well. Like many wired people in Silicon Valley, she used to contact a former boyfriend almost exclusively on his cell phone.

“After several months, I found out he was married,” says Caryn, who also asked that her last name not be used. “Much later, he even informed me that on several occasions I had even paged him during his marriage counseling sessions.”

Statistics on cheating vary widely because of the way pollsters word questions, says Infidelityadvice.com’s Houston. The data also is muddied by dishonest responses. And as people debate the definition of sex, they similarly debate the definition of cheating.

Sexologist Shere Hite in 1988 shocked Americans when she reported that up to 70 percent of women married five or more years have sex outside of marriage. Other surveys have concluded that anywhere from 38 million to 53 million men in the United States have cheated on their wives at least once, Houston says.

But such “studies,” as well as research reported in popular magazines and advice columns, often inflate figures, according to Tom W. Smith of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. His 2004 study, “American Sexual Behavior,” which polled more than 10,000 people over 22 years, found that 22 percent of married men and 15 percent of married women have cheated at least once.

Technology has helped the cause, prompting the curious to make the jump from fantasy to philandering, says Brian Person, a marriage and family therapist in Los Altos.

“Some people, given the proper social boundaries, would be less likely to cheat than they are now,” he says.

Network Security Group’s Lucich is convinced that the rise in advertising and e-mail spam that hype cheating sites entice people to cross those boundaries, he says.

“I truly believe that there are people out there who have not thought about infidelity and then get spam messages or hear about online cheating and dating sites on the radio,” says Lucich, whose book “Cyber Lies” (StarPath, 212 pp., $35) details how to easily check a partner’s cell phone or computer to discover if he or she is cheating. “In a weak moment, they say, `Let’s just take a peek.’ Then they start going further and further, and the next thing you know, they’re cheating.”

There is some small consolation in the rise of high-tech infidelity, Houston says, because cheaters are often unaware that they have left evidence of their affairs on their PCs or cell phones. E-mails are reportedly how Christie Brinkley found out her spouse was cheating on her with a local teenager.

“There are programs you can put onto a computer so you can see everything your mate is doing online,” Houston says. “You can even put a GPS device in your mate’s car to find out where they are going. It might be easier to cheat, but it’s also a lot easier to get caught.”
Contact Mark de la Viña at mdelavina@mercurynews.com or (408) 920-5914.

Cheater Seeks Cheater

Married people find other married people for affairs through websites
by Tristan Taormino
August 30th, 2006 5:06 PM

“The site seemed simple and straight-forward . . . I knew that most members would be married. I prefer [to cheat with other married people] because they have as much to lose as me typically, and it’s easier to relate to someone who is married,” says Paul (not his real name), a 35-year-old executive at a large corporation in midtown Manhattan. He has been married for seven years, and throughout the marriage he and his wife have had sex about twice a week, but he says she’s sexually conservative. Four years ago, he went looking for “someone fun and exciting, more adventurous in bed and spontaneous.” Paul cheated for the first time with another married woman he met through the Ashley Madison Agency (ashleymadison.com), a website that boasts such taglines as “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony” and “For Women Seeking Romantic Affairs—and the Men Who Want to Fulfill Them.”

Paul is one of over a million members of Ashley Madison, which—like Married Secrets, Affair Match, Discreet Adventures, International House of Wives, and others—caters to married people who want to cheat with other married people. In the three years he’s been an on-and-off member of Ashley Madison, Paul has met two women, one with whom he had an 18-month affair, and the other, a six-month affair; he considers them “friends with benefits.” The reasons he gave for wanting to find other married people echo the thoughtful PR soundbites of the company’s founder and chief operating officer, Darren Morgenstern. “Both people have just as much to risk and lose and expectations stay reasonable,” says Morgenstern, who founded the site in 2002 after reading a business magazine article that said one-third of people who sign up on singles dating sites are actually attached. He wanted to offer a service where folks could be up-front about their marital status.

The Ashley Madison site works much like other personals sites: Members write a profile which includes their basic stats and various preferences (like cross-dressing and tantric sex), tastes in partners’ behavior (“good with their hands,” “will let me take control,” and the unexpected “likes routine”), and desires (from being creative with food to being videotaped). There is even a section where members can rate other members with such positive feedback as “better in person.” Membership costs $240 for three months of unlimited messages, or you can enroll on a pay-as-you-go system.

Sites like Ashley Madison tap into a very profitable niche within the online personals arena by bringing honesty to the dishonest practice of cheating. They allow people an alternative to a traditional personals site where they may have to lie and say they’re single, thus giving potential mates the wrong impression—yet they facilitate lying to a spouse. While Morgenstern admits the company receives its fair share of hate mail, he says, predictably, “We don’t promote infidelity.”

Married people seem to seek other married people to give themselves a sense of added security in an inherently insecure situation. Their preference to cheat within their own camp is based on assumptions about people with spouses: They won’t demand too much of the other person’s time; they’ll be less invested in the relationship since they already have one; they’re more understanding about a last-minute cancellation because the wife is sick and the kids need to go to soccer practice. Ideally, all those things are true, but in the real world, there are no guarantees and having everything out in the open doesn’t mean there won’t be drama. These assumptions make all married people out to be sane and stable, and all single people end up looking like needy, unreasonable fools with no boundaries desperate to fall in love and break up a marriage. Of course neither is true: A married person can turn into a crazed stalker just as a single person can.

“I want to be up-front with people and don’t want any misunderstandings along the way. We were very clear from the start that no one would be leaving their spouse,” said Paul, who told me that he looked specifically for women he thought seemed happy in their marriages, as he says he is; that contributed to the success of the affairs and their not becoming something he didn’t want. Another benefit of spouses cheating with other people’s spouses may be a leveling of the moral playing field: If you’re both cheaters, you can’t judge one another for cheating.

People in open relationships don’t have to deal with lying and sneaking around because they are open with their partners about their other partners. Subtract the thrill and naughtiness of doing something wrong without permission, and some people might not be into it. I’d rather hook up with a non-monogamous person than a married person, so that at least I know everyone is on the same page. Again, being open does not mean there can’t be jealousy, hurt feelings, and other emotions to deal with, but the basis for the relationship structure is honesty and communication.

It baffles me that there is not a site as popular, active, and profitable as Ashley Madison that is designed for polyamorous people. There are well-used swinger sites, but swinging is just one type of non-monogamy, a specific community and culture that not everyone identifies with. Alt.com is marketed as a site for “alternative lifestyles,” but in practice, not a lot of poly people use it; you can’t search specifically for other poly people, and the site is very BDSM-oriented while not all poly people are kinky. There is really only one credible personals site specifically for polyamorous people, Poly Match Maker (polymatchmaker.com); compared to Ashley Madison’s million, it has fewer than 7,000 members.

The Internet has made it easier for all kinds of people to connect, and has also made infidelity a lot less complicated. The websites that profit from it are not the problem. In the United States, cheating continues to be the dominant model of how people have sex and form relationships outside their primary partnership, and the stats on how many of our fellow Americans do it are pretty depressing. Statistics show that anywhere from 12 to 25 percent of women and 22 to 60 percent of men cheat on their partners. When will we embrace a more honest, ethical way of meeting our needs?

Infidelity no solution for a marriage in trouble

Toronto Star Reports:
Aug. 26, 2006. 10:11 AM
ELLIE

Q I knew he was married but didn’t expect to fall in love with him. Now I wish I could turn back the clock. I’d never do this again. It’s so wrong. He’s unhappy, I’m unhappy, but we both have obligations. I’m married, too. Please give me some directions where to go with this. I have an abusive husband who’s also a drunk. My lover has a wife who doesn’t want anything to do with romance, so he’s so lonely. So am I, and I love him so much, most times.

Lost

A My “directions” are for you to take the fastest and shortest route to get to a counsellor and look at options for improving or changing your marriage. Of course, you want to have a better life than one that includes abuse, and you cannot accept that the abuse continues. However, your affair has been only a “detour” — a delaying tactic for facing up to what you need to do. You and your lover both chose the seemingly easy path of escapism in each other’s arms. You wanted to avoid the hard work of dealing with those obligations you mention, which would mean looking to your own partners, stating your needs, acknowledging the others’ needs as well as their flaws and trying to get some help. Now you’ve discovered that the easy way comes with its own heartache, disappointments and roadblocks. Hopefully, you see the light now to go toward the only truly satisfying goal, which is to take charge of your life, starting with where you live. Once you’ve settled whether there’s hope for your husband to change or the need to leave him, you’re free to seek a new relationship. But by then, you’ll want one in which the other person has done the necessary work to be free, too.

Late Night E-mails ‘Sign of Infidelity’

By Judith Duffy, Health Correspondent
www.sundayherald.com

IT could be viewed as an innocent chat in cyberspace, but sending e-mails late at night and revealing personal details of your life are signs of betraying your partner, according to new research.

Psychologists from Glamorgan University have carried out an investigation to try and define the point at which online exchanges are perceived as emotional infidelity.

The study revealed that sending messages late at night and revealing intimate information are the key factors that will cause your partner to believe you are having a virtual affair.

The popularity of websites such as Friends Reunited and dating chatrooms have been blamed for helping to fuel a rise in divorces in recent years.

According to leading counselling group Relate, one in 10 people seeking help from them now complain about the impact of the internet on their relationship.

Dr Martin Graff, psychology lecturer at the Glamorgan University, said there was now the potential for people to engage in “virtual” infidelity alongside face-to-face relationships, yet the issues around this had not been explored.

“I guess we have a definition of sexual infidelity, but this involves more emotional infidelity and we just wanted to see what people thought,” he said. “Chatting online is fine, but where do people start seeing it as not quite right?”

The research, which will be presented at a British Psychological Society conference next month, asked a group of men and women in their early 20s to judge varying scenarios involving internet communication and rate what they believed constituted online infidelity.

Certain factors were deemed to be irrelevant, such as whether the correspondence was through e-mail or instant messaging services or the gender of the person who initiated the online conversation.

But Graff said: “People who interacted online later at night were perceived as possibly more unfaithful than those who interacted during the day. I guess it is seen as being more surreptitious if you are online late into the night.

“The amount you disclose to people is also generally perceived as being a lot more unfaithful, as it signals a degree of intimacy with someone.”

Denise Knowles, a counsellor for 16 years with Relate, said that a major problem with the internet was that it could cause a distance in relationships.

“The time spent on the internet is time spent away from the primary relationship,” she said. “A few people have said to me that when their partner is doing this and they are talking to other men or women on the internet, it is almost as if they are having an affair where the third party is under their roof.

“Because they are sitting in the corner of the room – or worse, in their bedroom – it is very intrusive and they can often feel quite violated.”

Knowles pointed out another difficulty was that often the person who was carrying out the internet activities was unaware of the harm it was causing.

“People say ‘I don’t know what you are going on about, I haven’t actually seen the person and I don’t intend to’,” she said. “But the real problem is the fact that there is time being spent talking and sharing intimacies with somebody else that really ought to be shared with your partner.”

20 August 2006

A law rubs married couples wrong

In Minnesota, massage therapists can touch, but they better not touch

Sunday, August 13, 2006
By Jon Tevlin, Star Tribune

MINNEAPOLIS — LaRae Lundeen Fjellman likes to think her massage and alternative health business in Lindstrom, Minn., has a small-town touch. She knows most of her clients personally and often gives them presents, such as flowers or banana bread, on special occasions. But when she got too close to one of them and fell for former client Kirk Fjellman, who was divorcing his wife, she was surprised to learn that Minnesota bans massage therapists from having sexual relations with former clients for two years.

Kirk says his ex-wife reported the new Ms. Fjellman to state officials in 2004. Now, the state is seeking to fine and possibly prohibit Ms. Fjellman from practicing in Minnesota for having sex with someone who has become her husband.

“There’s no harm, no victim,” Mr. Fjellman said. “What’s this about?”

The case, which is before a judge and may be decided this month, could have implications for the private lives of an array of alternative health care providers — and anyone who has ever had a crush on a yoga instructor, acupressurist or even someone selling 10-minute back rubs at a mall.

Documents filed by the Department of Health say the therapist clearly violated an unusual state law passed by the Legislature in 2000. Ms. Fjellman does not deny she violated the statute, but says she didn’t know it existed.

Because the case is in litigation and sealed, state officials cannot discuss it, said Tom Hiendlmayr, director of the Health Occupations Program.

Mr. Fjellman’s ex-wife is not named in the documents and could not be reached.

Mr. Hiendlmayr said the statute is “part of an umbrella law to protect consumers” from unlicensed alternative care practitioners, ranging from herbalists to folk remedy practitioners. The statute does not target massage therapists and there does not have to be a victim, he said.

In an argument filed to the Office of Administrative Hearings in the Health Department, the state’s lawyers said sex prohibitions are appropriate because “a therapeutic relationship exists between the massage therapist and the client, and inherent in that relationship is a power differential.”

The state supported its arguments with excerpts from “The Ethics of Touch,” a respected industry guideline for practitioners. But the book’s author, Ben Benjamin, said in an interview that some of that text was taken out of context.

“If she’s sleeping with the guy while he’s a client, it’s unethical,” Mr. Benjamin said. “But if they liked each other and something happened over time, you can’t fault that. Had this behavior occurred anywhere else besides Minnesota, it wouldn’t be an issue.”

Mr. Fjellman is a licensed chemical dependency counselor and says he is fully aware of boundary issues; in fact, he is not allowed to date his current or past clients.

The state does not ordinarily initiate investigations, but it was obligated to act when it received the complaint from the ex-wife, Mr. Hiendlmayr said. But Susan Gallagher, an attorney for Mr. Fjellman, said the state should exercise discretion in such cases. The state, she said, is seeking to restrict the couple’s “right to fall in love, get married and do what all married people do.”

It is not clear how the two-year ban became law in 2000. Since then, the department has received 80 complaints against “complementary and alternative health care” practitioners, 30 of those against massage therapists, according to Mr. Hiendlmayr.

Ms. Fjellman began seeing her future husband at her business, the Balanced Body, in Lindstrom in October 2000 for numbness in his arms. He continued as a client until May 2002. The Fjellmans said in an interview they never had sexual relations during that time, though they acknowledged occasionally having lunch and attending a class together. They also helped drive a mutual friend to another state, which included overnight stays at hotels, they said.

“To tell you the truth, we weren’t attracted to each other physically,” Ms. Fjellman said.

“I always preferred skinny minnies,” Mr. Fjellman said. “LaRae is more full-figured.”

Both say their marriages were on the rocks and heading toward divorce. He eventually moved into an apartment, and a month after last seeing her as a client, she moved in with him as a roommate for “financial reasons,” they say.

The couple say they began dating in July 2002 and first had sex that fall. They became engaged in March 2003 and married in September of that year. Mr. Hiendlmayr said that even if they had waited until marriage to have sex, they would have violated the rule.

Mr. Fjellman says his ex-wife accused him of having an affair while he was a client, and gave the state bills from TGI Friday’s and hotels as proof. A transcript of the state’s interview with LaRae also dwells on their relationship while he was a client.

During their professional relationship, LaRae said, she gave Kirk flowers on the anniversary of his sobriety, and often gave small gifts to clients. He gave her a magazine subscription and a $100 gift certificate after learning clients usually tip their therapists, which he had not.

The state, however, cites the exchanges as further “boundary issues,” and contends that taking tips is unethical because of “transference,” a process in which trust in the practitioner leads to increased reliance and vulnerability.

Les Sweeney, president of the Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals, said, however, that tipping “is the norm.” Mr. Sweeney calls Minnesota’s rule “overbearing.”

“I didn’t see that Minnesota has a waiting period on purchasing guns,” he said.

Ms. Gallagher said that if the administrative law judge hearing the case can’t decide on its constitutionality or rules against Ms. Fjellman, the next step is the State Court of Appeals.

The ethics of therapy

Rules for licensed and unlicensed health care practitioners vary widely among the various professions and states. Hospitals or providers often have stricter rules. Generally, the larger the power imbalance between practitioner and client, and the more vulnerable the client, the stricter the rules. Here are general guidelines:

Psychiatrists: It is never proper for psychiatrists to have sexual relations with a current or former patient whose treatment involved psychotherapy.

Social workers: The professional code prohibits sex with former clients, with a few exceptions in which the social worker has a burden to prove there has been no coercion.

Physicians and nurses not involved in psychotherapy: No specific time limits for former patients. Physicians must discuss ramifications and cease treatment.

Chiropractors: In Minnesota, chiropractors must assume a client will be a patient for two years, and cannot have a sexual relationship with them during that time.

A Hooker’s Insights on Married Men Hiring Her

The Sunday Mail reports:

I’m safer than having affairs

August 06, 2006 12:00am
Article from: The Sunday Mail (Qld)

YOU would never believe I was a sex worker if you saw me in the street. I certainly do not fit the typical profile that most people associate with sex workers.
I have a very “girl next door” look, and am an attractive woman in my 30s, with not a tattoo in sight.

But despite this, sex is how I’ve been earning my living for the past five years.

I started working in a parlour when I was 31 to repay debts incurred from living overseas. The idea was to work until the debt was repaid, then go back to the normal workforce, in administration again.

I remember just knowing I could do it, even though I was by no means a promiscuous person. I had only had a handful of boyfriends in my life but somehow I knew I could separate emotions from sex.

The parlour was my “learning curve”, and then I moved on to working privately, which is completely different. Working from home entails being responsible for how you run your business – from advertising, to telephone manner and, of course, how you treat clients.

You have to be comfortable being alone because working privately is very isolating. Although I have never experienced any form of violence, the fact is a woman working alone in the sex industry is at risk. I try to minimise that risk by only working day-time hours and will only take a booking when I have the client’s phone number.

Although I have seen clients of all ages, the most typical profile is a married man in his 40s or 50s. These men view going to a sex worker as a better and safer option than having an affair. Most say that regular sex is not part of their marriage any more, yet they still have needs.

I have to say that women who have gone off the boil do seem to be a major problem in a lot of marriages.

Obviously, there are the usual reasons why some women do not regard sex as a priority, including demanding careers, children, financial stress and menopause.

But they need to realise that sex is still important to their men, and if they do not get their needs met at home, they will go elsewhere. It’s as simple as that.

I would also venture to say that the wives are not attracted to their husbands in a lot of cases, as most clients I see have definitely let themselves go.

I have pretty much seen it all in terms of ugly men and don’t blame the wives for not wanting to have sex with them. You have to have a strong stomach in this job, and I often say to people I should have been a nurse or a doctor because I’ve seen some revolting sights.

I turn the fat people away now and won’t have sex with anyone over 67 or 68 because I don’t think it’s appropriate and it is beyond my comfort zone.

I will only make an exception if I am having a particularly quiet week. Then I try to switch off and get on with it.

At the other end of the age scale, I am also visited by teenagers, and some look so young that I have to check that they are legal. They are inexperienced and think they can learn things from me. They are frightened by today’s girls, who know exactly what they want from men.

Although it is very rare that I enjoy the sexual side of my job, it has happened. Most clients I do not find attractive, but some are stunning and I cannot help but like them.

Many of the good-looking men say they come to me because they find women hard work and don’t want to be bothered with taking a girl out and talking to her, they just want easy and safe sex. In those instances, I allow myself to feel the sexual energy.

Some men will try to push the boundaries and ask for more intimate services, such as kissing. I know some workers do offer intimate services but for me kissing is such a truly intimate and almost sacred part of being with someone, so I couldn’t imagine doing it with clients.

If you give every part of your sexual being to clients, then you will have nothing left for your personal life.

As for my own relationships, I won’t ever have a partner while I’m doing this work because it is too difficult for me to deal with.

But when I first started, I was amazed by how many women are married with children or have boyfriends. There are men who are able to tolerate it. They may not always like it but they put up with it for the sake of having some extra money coming in.

There is a misconception in society that prostitutes are people who have no choice because they are desperate for money. Most of us have one thing in common: greed.

Everyone comes into the job wanting the investment property or the flash car and they think that they can achieve it. They think sex is a short-cut to achieving the things that other people get by working hard for years.

Very few sex workers actually achieve what they set out to. It is difficult to save money when each week is so variable. That is why I believe the smarter sex workers are the ones who only work part-time and still maintain regular work.

I do regret the length of time spent in this industry because the longer I am in it, the harder it is to move on. You gradually lose your previous work skills and you wonder what you can do and if you will be employable again.

I certainly do not feel like a victim, though, far from it. It was entirely my choice to become involved in this industry – it’s just that now I want to feel like a part of society again.