Archive for category: Infidelity Information

By Audrey Dutton

“Don’t let his flashy smile get to you!” an anonymous woman writes on DontDateHimGirl.com about her ex-lover Kevin. He’s married, she cautions, telling any woman who meets him to “run, run as fast as you can, and don’t look back.”

But wait. It seems another spurned lover has the same warning. “He had told me that he was separated from his wife, but I found out differently,” she writes. “Sometimes when his wife called, he would tell her that he had to work late, so that we could go out or just have sex somewhere.”

Heard enough? Well, a third woman delivers the same account, with palpable grief. She writes that the word “hurt” doesn’t come close to expressing her feelings.

Then the alleged adulterer responds. “There is an article about me on your Web site that is very untrue,” Kevin’s rebuttal says, adding his (now defunct) e-mail address. “The woman that wrote this is my very psychotic neighbor who is married and tried 3 years ago to get me into a threesome with her and her husband.”

That woman’s husband offers his side of the story, too.

It looks like the he-saids and she-saids won’t end soon.

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy estimates that 35 to 45 percent of all American marriages bear the burden of emotional or sexual infidelity. As the online dating market grows, so do the opportunities for cheating on a partner. Enter two services, one for those doing the cheating and another for those who have been cheated on: Alibi Network and DontDateHimGirl.com. While one company goes to great lengths to conceal affairs, the other exposes cheaters to the world.

The Alibi Network is a small Chicago-based company whose sole purpose is to construct alibis. Consultants devise cover-ups for any legal activity, from calling in sick to work–a popular service on the Monday after the Super Bowl–to “virtual employment” for those who are embarrassed to be jobless.

However, covering up infidelities makes up the bulk of the service. Fifty percent of clients want to hide an affair, with men and women equally likely to seek alibis. The Alibi Network has no moral qualms about its service. “We don’t judge,” said Mike DeMarco, spokesman for the company. “If we get emotionally involved, we’re doing our client a disservice.”

“That’s deplorable!” gasped Tasha Jacobs, a public relations specialist from Miami. “Unbelievable.”

While the Alibi Network deals in lies, Jacobs’ company tries to expose the liars. Her Web site, DontDateHimGirl.com, is intended “to get guys to change their behavior,” she said, “or at least think twice before they cheat because they know there are consequences.”

DontDateHimGirl.com is a database with a heavy salting of scandalous drama. Angry and brokenhearted lovers can post allegations of betrayal, stamping their exes with a virtual scarlet letter. The exes can try to clear their name with a rebuttal, but the mark is already made. The site gives full names, photographs and identifying information like age and location.

As a result, Jacobs’ site draws ample controversy. Earlier this year, one woman asked Jacobs to remove her accusations about a cheating ex-boyfriend after a judge ordered her to stop publicly airing complaints. And the Web site’s blog, which highlights “cheaters of the day,” is peppered with questions from readers, blaming the women for choosing bad boys and wondering about the proof behind anonymous accusations.

Jacobs says she vets all submissions, often calling or e-mailing women to ask for solid evidence, like telephone records. And before a woman can submit her story, she must agree to the DontDateHimGirl.com terms of user policy, stating that she is telling the truth.

Amid the controversy, the site is growing, with more than 1,100 alleged cheater profiles. Jacobs hopes the database will help women judge whether a potential suitor is bad news.

In mid-March, Jacobs will launch the sister–or brother–site, DontDateHerMan.com. “It was only fair,” she said. Plus, “all of my guy friends convinced me to do it.”

DontDateHimGirl.com is not the only Web site of its kind. TrueDater.com, UnfaithfulPeople.com and WomanSavers.com also list alleged cheaters by the thousands.

This is where the Alibi Network finds its market: When wandering-eyed mates fear that their rendezvous might be exposed, they turn to the network. After less than a year, the Alibi Network is already turning a profit, and DeMarco says no clients have reported getting caught.

Their alibis are high tech and elaborate, but affordable. A cover-up phone call to an unsuspecting spouse costs $25 to $50. Shopping discreetly for a ski trip with the mistress? That costs $35. And an e-mail alibi starts at $10.

Ongoing alibis, however, are the most detailed. If a client wants to sneak off for a weekend rendezvous with a lover, the Alibi Network can send him a faux job offer letter, under the guise of its partner company, along with an invitation to a weekend training session. To corroborate the lie, consultants create a Web site for a fake hotel, where the duped significant other can call a fake hotel desk. The fake clerk? That’s an Alibi Network operator. The company even patches telephone calls home, to look like they come from Chicago, Manhattan, Los Angeles–anywhere in the United States.

The monetary price for creating this illusion “depends on individual circumstances,” the company said.

But the personal price of cheating, says one relationship ethicist, is far deeper.

“A lot of people lead double lives,” said Elaine Englehardt, a Utah Valley State College philosophy professor and relationship ethics expert. “I do think they have a fractured sense of the world, a fractured personality.” She said that self-deception plays a large role in affairs, on the part of both partners. It is common for cheated-on spouses to ignore their suspicions. And when the affair is hidden so well that one partner finds out years later, she said, it’s even worse: “The other spouse feels like such a fool.”

Englehardt does not necessarily agree with outing a cheating partner on DontDateHimGirl.com, either. “I wouldn’t use the service, but I think there are those who will use it and those who will abuse it,” she said, adding that single women often consult the grapevine when trying to figure out a date’s track record. The database, she said, isn’t much different from that.

Does she think the database is ethical? “You’re responsible for making your own judgments about what’s going on around you,” she said, so take the stories with a grain of salt. But, she added, it’s important to learn as much as possible about a prospective partner.

As for using the Alibi Network, Englehardt isn’t so approving. “The better thing is for a person to look at [the affair] and say, ‘Is this the type of person I really want to be?’” Instead of covering up an affair, she wrote in an e-mail, “just confess, save the relationship and try to move on.”

When asked if he thinks his company’s services are unconscionable, DeMarco said, “It’s almost like if we’re brick makers.” The distinction, he said, is whether that brick is used to smash a windshield or build a house. “We’re a service. We’re here for people to use how they please.”

Englehardt offered a different analogy: “Like a brick to a crumbling house is how I’d put it,” she said.

The Tennessee state senator said he was opposed to sex outside marriage, but his private life told a different story: He was having an affair with his 22-year-old intern.When an extortion plot exposed married Republican Sen. Paul Stanley’s illicit relationship, he said he would be “clearing up” misimpressions later. He’s now clearing out his office, the latest politician caught in a sex scandal, this one made worse by not coming clean.

Affair with intern

 

Although infidelity is not a laughing matter, we found an article on Liverpool Confidential that had a new twist on talking about different places to cheat.

Some fun quotes include:

 METRO. 5-9 VICTORIA STREET. L2 5QA. Tel: 0151 236 2200
Ten reasons to have your affair here:
1. It’s got a French theme. The French invented affairs.
2. Booths. Lovely red booths.
3. Wine. You’ll be needing that.
4. Jazz – making sordid little encounters seem sophisticated and meaningful since 1921.
5. It’s downstairs, away from prying eyes.

 If you’re having your affair on a Monday (and I’d recommend it – your partner will never suspect you’re having an affair on a Monday – it’s a very Thursday thing to do) then there’s acoustic guitar karaoke which should cover any embarrassing silences and give a Guinness-fuelled him/her the opportunity to authenticate your romance with a passionate, trashed rendition of ‘Me And Mrs Jones’.

and

 Look, you won’t be eating for a start: this is an affair, not the semi-finals of Masterchef, and if it’s a bit pricey – GOOD. It should be pricey, you’re doing something extraordinary – you’re going against society’s will and putting your relationship in jeopardy.

Read it all here and props to Stanley McHale

In London a man admits to cheating on game show.

London, Jan 20:

Hoping to win 50,000 pounds on a TV game show, a husband owned up to cheating on his wife by having an affair and visiting a prostitute on his bucks night.

Stuart Brandwood admitted his scandalous antics as he was hooked to a lie detector on game show Nothing But the Truth, where contestants must answer 21 questions truthfully in front of their spouse to win the jackpot.

Apart from confessing an affair and bedding a prostitute, Brandwood said that his wife Amanda was not the best lover he’d had.

She has, however, forgiven him, and the couple, from Warrington in Cheshire, insist their relationship is ’stronger than ever’.

Before the program, Amanda submitted two suggestions for questions to ask her husband. One was: ‘Have you had an affair while you have been together with Amanda?”, the other: “Have you ever paid for sex abroad?”

When his wife asked him the questions, Stuart thought he had no option but to confess, rather than have her find out on the program.

“I went to Amsterdam on my stag night. My mates decided to get some money together for a prostitute in the red light district. I was very drunk,” the Scotsman quoted him, as saying.

Stuart said that the worst part was when he was asked whether his wife was the best lover he had had, to which he replied: No.

“That was unbelievably awkward and she really grilled me afterwards about who was the best lover,” he said.

“I had a life and a past before Amanda. She knew that because I was 30 when we met.

“But the question that has really kept us together was: ‘If you could have an affair and not get caught, would you do it?’ and I answered honestly, ‘No.’ So I think that proved how much I love her.”

Amanda said: “Because of everything he has confessed to, there have been a few tough times for us recently, but now he has a clean slate and I have forgiven him. I was more angry with him for not telling me about those things and keeping them a secret for years than what he actually did.

“We always had a strong relationship, and we must have done to have got through this. Amazingly, it has made us closer. We certainly talk a lot more now, she added.

Farizaa Sabreen

Infidelity is one of the most wrenching experiences a couple can tolerate. It can destroy families and above all it causes soreness not just to the betrayed, but usually to the cheater as well. Unfortunately the number of infidelity is rising in our society.

You can call it cheating, having an affair, adultery, infidelity, or breaking your monogamy promises, it affects relationships deeply. But it does not have to mean an end to the relationship.

Extra marital affairs are not always a sign of a troubled marriage. Some spouses yield to the temptation of an extramarital relationship as the result of experiencing unusual pressure over a normal lifestyle change, such as becoming a parent or a lonesome. For this, infidelity can occur in blissful marriages as well as unhappy ones.

Extramarital affairs, because of their secret nature, go unspoken. This silence has forced those involved to cope with incredibly complex problems with no support and advice.

Unlike TV’s portrayal of affairs, real “triangles” involve a great deal of repentance, confusion, anxiety, and soreness. In the end all members of the triangle are affected, for better or worse. Whether the marriage survives or the lovers form a new couple, everyone involved in the “triangle” will have been dramatically and permanently affected by the extramarital experience.

The fact that affairs are wrong, even considered to be a sin, has been ingrained into us through our social, cultural and religious upbringing. Yet despite the social and religious disapproval of them, they have been an ever-present phenomenon for us to deal with.

Every relationship hits a hurdle, or worse, a major crisis, that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive. This type of affair was not planned before hand because of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen.

Infidelity may be the worst of human experiences. It is usually a symptom of a weakness in a person or marriage, which can be corrected. Relationships are not built or destroyed by single events. In order for a marriage to have any hope of survival when an extramarital relationship threatens it, the involved spouse must recognize that the relationship is wrong and be willing to end it.

Who Has Affairs?

Unhappy working mothers and stay-at-home mothers often snag a much younger man. Stay-at-home moms have affairs with the neighbors. Stay-at-home wives get bored and join gyms and meet boyfriends while the husband is away working all the time, doing his own thing.

When married men are forced to live far from their families, they often start a new relationship.

We tend to think that only bad people have affairs or only people in bad relationships. But no one is protected from an affair.

Why it happens?

The reasons for infidelity are as many and as varied as the people involved. Professor S I Mullik, Psychiatrist of Lab Aid Hospital, has categorized the reasons for extramarital affairs as follows: Excitement, curiosity, falling in love, desire to escape or find relief from a painful relationship, boredom, desire to punish one’s partner, etc.

Women seem to be drawn into adulterous relationships initially through emotional attachments, while men are more likely attracted sexually. Interestingly, each gender tends to assume that the other is acting out of the same drive, as they are likely to themselves.

How it can be prevented?

Couples can’t avoid affairs by making threats as to what they would do if it happened. People don’t feel free to admit being attracted to someone else. If they don’t admit these attractions, then they won’t admit being tempted. If they don’t admit being tempted, then they certainly won’t admit it if and when they finally act on the attraction. The effect on the relationship is to cause it to be filled with jealousy and doubt.

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, Tanya Islam, a socio analyst has provides few tips to help spot it: any type of change in sexual relationship, missing money, change in schedule, request for separate vacations, increase in fights, etc.

So what do you do? Sneak a peek at his/her cell phone. Who has he been calling? Or, better still, try and catch him/her red handed. Surprise him/her by dropping in at his/her office when he says he’s working, or by coming home when s/he thinks you’re out of town.

There are many types of extra-marital relationships, and while all of them are terrible betrayals of the trust and love between the couple, it directly affects the chances for survival of the marriage.

Like other affairs, extra-marital affairs are loaded with romanticism, morality, mythology, and intense emotions. They’re not really about sex, but about pain and fear and the desire to feel alive. They’re also about betrayal. Such type of affairs need not necessarily wreck a marriage or result into divorce.

Before you can decide what to do with the affair in your life you need to know what it means and what are its types.

Is it just ‘Emotional outbreak affair’, or ‘Emotional-Sexual Affair’?

The faithful spouse has worked hard for the marriage; but no matter how hard they work, the unfaithful spouse is going to have an affair due to their own scarcities.

If you are the “other woman”, whom he’s stolen not only your heart but also your brain- you should know that majority of married men are not planning to leave their established lives to begin one with you. So, if you may feel that he’s your soul mate, think again. A real soul mate would not set you on the sidelines. He wouldn’t allow it, let alone entice it. Even if your married man decided to leave his wife and family for you, that doesn’t guarantee success.

If you are the “other” involved in an extramarital affair, considering getting involved in an affair or are in the process of ending an affair, this is a place for you to speak freely and honestly with others who experience the same highs and lows you do.

Give yourself time to work through your anger, resentment and hurt over the whole issue. Talk to your partner about it and let him know how let down you feel and how you will require time to heal.

If he hasn’t already ended the affair or is dithering over it, give him an ultimatum. Be firm and let him know that you are willing to give it another try but he has to cut off all ties with his lover.