Control alt divorce – how internet affairs can ruin your marriage
Online affairs are increasingly leading to divorce, marriage counsellors warn.
By Jordan Baker
August 20, 2005
The president of the Australian Association of Relationship Counsellors, Eric Hudson, said there had been a significant rise in the number of couples separating as a result of cyber infidelity, a view backed by family lawyers. Virtual affairs might not involve physical contact, but a growing body of research suggests partners are taking them as seriously as the offline kind.
“It’s the betrayal of intimacy and the betrayal of trust,” said Mr Hudson. “It’s like the Monica [Lewinsky] and Bill [Clinton] question. ‘Did you have sex?’ is not the issue. It’s ‘Have you betrayed my trust?’.
“I have heard stories of people taking overseas trips to meet the person they’re having an affair with, to make some kind of personal contact. Then it moves into your classic affair dynamics.”
Telltale signs, according to the web-based Centre for Online Addiction, are changes in sleep patterns, a demand for privacy, ignoring household chores and a declining investment in the primary relationship. Monica Whitty, an Australian psychology lecturer at Queens University in Belfast, said websites such as friendsreunited.com.au had increased the potential for online affairs, as had sites set up specifically for cheating, such as meet2cheat.com.au.
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Because it was easier to separate online relationships from the outside world it was easier to justify them, she said.
“But when I put these items to individuals, things like cybersex and hot chatting were considered to be almost as bad as sexual intercourse. They were rated really highly as acts of betrayal.”
Damien Tudehope, a lawyer and NSW spokesman for the Australian Family Association, has seen marriages break up because of internet infidelity.
“I have got one [case] where a previously pretty happily married couple is now divorced because she found someone else on the internet,” he said.
“It is an increasing trend.”
Technology is catching up with cyber-cheats. Suspicious spouses are using spy software, available online from the United States, to monitor their partners’ emails, messages and keystrokes.
In some cases, internet affairs have ended in disaster: Joe Korp, who took his life last week while facing an attempted murder charge, met his mistress, Tania Herman, in an internet chatroom. She said he had brainwashed her into choking his wife and leaving her for dead.
